An object lesson in how not to use email marketing software

Email marketing

I am the first to admit that many of my posts come from direct aggravation as a result one or more incidents, and sadly today’s is no exception. The lesson for today is for sales folks doing cold-calling – we are not really that stupid!

Today's cold-call email (bear in mind I write this on a Sunday at 4pm):

Hi Peter,

Just tried giving you a call to follow up on my previous messages but didn't have any luck. My hope is to get your thoughts on (Company name) and learn a little more about the current testing process at (My work’s name) - here is a quick 2 minute overview if you're still wondering how exactly (Company product) works.

Curious to see if you think that would work for the type of testing you're doing, I'm pretty optimistic it will. Do you have 30 minutes this week to take a deeper dive?

Best,

(Hopeful salesperson)

Let’s break this down a little:

a) Every time my work number is called I get an email, so I know you did not call my work number, nor my cell number.

b) If you did call me at 1pm (based on the email timestamp) on a Sunday, why would you be surprised I did not pick up the phone?

c) In fact, why would you be calling ANYONE for a cold call related to software testing on a Sunday at 1pm. Even if I was in my office and had a temporary brain fart and picked up a call from an unknown number on a Sunday, all you are going to do is piss me off.

d) And since we are on the topic of cold-calling on a Sunday, if you really did call me, son, get a frigging life! Is this all your life consists of, working seven days a week and making cold calls on a Sunday afternoon to businesses that are closed on the off-chance that someone may be there and be dumb enough to pick up the phone?

Given that the logical conclusion is you did not call (please tell me you are smarter than that!), I can only assume you are using some badly-written half-ass cold-calling mail application. So here is a suggestion; learn how to use the thing and set the rules so it does not trigger over the weekend (unless it was written by your second-cousin’s dog and does not allow any rules).

And no, I'm afraid I'm probably not going to give you 30 minutes this week to discuss your software based on this email. Sorry.